Accidental Dancers looks at the life of a married, closeted gay man who comes out, leaves his wife for a male lover, then leaves the lover to construct his own identity. And that is what the play is about: the degree to which we construct our own identities, the choices we have and don’t have, the responsibilities we have to ourselves and to those we love.
Accidental Dancers had its world premiere at the Long Beach Playhouse in June/July 2000, and subsequently received the Best New Play of the Year Award from OC Weekly Magazine.
It’s a three-character play, and the first scene opens on a Friday night. Louise, who works in real estate, has brought a colleague, John, home to look at a dead tree in the garden. Her husband Kevin, a novelist, enters, and each man is shocked to see the other, but says nothing in Louise’s presence. It becomes evident they’ve met before. Kevin gets upset when Louise insists John stay for dinner. He gets drunk and behaves abominably and John leaves, promising Louise he’ll be back with a new tree Monday morning.
This is the next scene.
The full script is available by contacting me at stephenludwig26@hotmail.com
Act I, Scene ii
The same, Monday morning. At rise, KEVIN is in his workroom when LOUISE comes out from the bedroom. The morning newspaper is folded neatly on the dining table. SHE picks it up, smiles, then puts it back and goes to make her tea. KEVIN pauses periodically in his writing to stare out the window into the garden, which is brilliant in full morning sunlight beyond the closed door. While the water is heating, LOUISE returns to the dining room and begins to scan the paper.
LOUISE
Kevin, are you awake in there?
KEVIN
Yes. Writing. Please don’t talk.
LOUISE
Okay. Come see me when you get a minute.
(SHE continues reading.)
Kevin, it says here the Bookseller’s Convention will be in town next month. Are you going?
KEVIN
Certainly not! And please don't talk to me right now.
LOUISE
Sorry.
(SHE continues reading. The teakettle begins to whistle. SHE waits five seconds before SHE gets up to take it off the burner. It is at full volume. SHE shouts from the kitchen.)
Kevin, don’t forget John is coming today with the tree. Don't go out until he gets here.
(SHE comes back from the kitchen carrying her tea and bumps into Kevin who has come storming out of his workroom. SHE kisses him on the cheek.)
Oops, sorry! How are you this morning? Mmm, you know, you were rather good last night.
KEVIN
THAT WAS THEN! THIS IS NOW! I WANT TO WORK! PLEASE DO NOT TALK TO ME! OKAY? DO YOU GET THAT?
(HE storms back into his workroom.)
LOUISE
All right already! Gees! And don't you yell at me!
(Calling after him)
Look, I’m sorry I can’t be here, but I told you, I have a lot of paperwork and three appointments before noon, so I can’t wait around for him. OK? I’m sorry! All you have to do is let them in. Kevin?
(To herself)
You’re going to be here anyway, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. You big doofus!
(SHE takes her tea to the garden door and looks out through the glass panes, then goes to the table and sits down again. After a moment SHE approaches KEVIN’s door to say good-bye, decides to write him a note instead, which SHE leaves on the table as SHE exits. Pause. KEVIN enters.)
KEVIN
Louise? ......Louise, I’m sorry.
(HE sees she’s gone.)
Oh shit.
(HE finds the note and reads part of it aloud.)
“...my very own genius” -- yeah, I’m a genius all right......some genius -- “and a pain in the ass?......I love you anyway” Huh. What a sweetheart.
(HE puts the note down and goes over to the stereo to look for some music, finds nothing that suits his mood. HE goes out into the garden, where HE looks at the dead tree, which is immediately outside the garden door.)
Damned tree. It should have died hereafter.
(A knock at the front door. HE opens and JOHN enters.)
JOHN
Hi. I’ve got the tree.
KEVIN
Right on time, I see. It goes out there.
JOHN
I know where it goes. I don’t suppose you could help me with it? It's just a little big for me to handle by myself.
KEVIN
Where’s your crew?
JOHN
The guys loaded it for me, but they’re all on a big job today. And I’m one man short. I was hoping you could help me with it -- just to get it out back & placed...... I can call somebody, if you’d rather --
KEVIN
Yeah, why don’t you do that? I’m busy. Let me know when you’re done.
JOHN
Look, I didn’t plan this. Don't be pissed at me.
KEVIN
I have nothing to say to you. There’s the phone.
JOHN
Never mind, I’ll do it myself.
(JOHN hauls in a ten-foot tree in a fifteen-gallon tub and carries it with effort across to the garden where HE drops it. On the way, HE knocks over a stack of compact discs sitting on a table.)
Sorry, I’ll pick them up in a minute.
KEVIN
Just leave them. Do whatever you need to do and get out of here.
JOHN
You know, I’m starting to get pissed, now, damn it. All we did was have sex --
KEVIN
Shut up!
JOHN
-- just sex! I didn’t break into your house and rob you. I didn’t beat you up. I didn’t sell you phony stock shares or run over your dog or sideswipe your car. We had sex -- that’s all. And as I recall you came on to me. So get off it, okay? What’s your problem?
KEVIN
Just do your job and don't come back. Please. How could you have stayed the other night?
JOHN
I work with Louise. A lot. We do business. It was civilized. Which is more than I can say for you.
KEVIN
But when you recognized me -- I mean --
JOHN
When I recognized you I wanted to talk. Like I wanted to talk to you then. But you wouldn’t stick around.
KEVIN
There’s nothing to say.
JOHN
Come on.
KEVIN
There’s nothing to say, damn it.
JOHN
At least tell me if it was good. Or bad. It didn’t seem like it was bad at the time. You certainly enjoyed yourself. I can’t believe I was so bad I turned you straight!
KEVIN
Just leave me alone. I’m going to go do some work. Let me know when you’re done.
(KEVIN exits to his workroom and tries unsuccessfully to write. JOHN works with the tree in the garden. After a moment KEVIN re-enters, walks over to the garden door.)
OK, look, you’re right. None of this is your fault. I’m sorry.
JOHN
Thank you.
KEVIN
So...so there, I apologized.
(Pause)
I said I’m sorry!
(Pause)
What more do you want?
JOHN
What do you want?
KEVIN
I want you to forget it. All of it. We did -- what we did -- and no, there was nothing wrong with you -- but that was the end of it. Finished, done, over, no mas. Okay? Those encounters aren’t ever supposed to go anywhere. That’s why they’re anonymous.
JOHN
So you’re going to keep on doing that. What if you --
KEVIN
I told you -- that was the last time.
JOHN
Why?
KEVIN
Why? Because -- well, it just was, that’s all. I love Louise, I married her. I decided that I -- that I was not going to risk everything I care about for a few seconds of muscular contractions with some stranger in a park.
JOHN
How often did you do that? Like you did with me. I mean, if it was nothing that you cared about. Were there many others?
KEVIN
A few, not many.
JOHN
Like, how many? Fifty?
KEVIN
No! Not....not many.
JOHN
And where else did you do it?
KEVIN
Nowhere! Just there in the park.
JOHN
But more than once.
KEVIN
Are you done?
JOHN
With the tree? Almost. One more question. Was it any different for you with me? Did it feel -- different?
KEVIN
It -- don’t make a big deal out of this. I’m sorry I got mad at you the other night. It was the situation. The surprise. That’s all.
JOHN
Why did you run away?
KEVIN
You’re not supposed to talk afterwards. You scared me.
JOHN
Because I talked?
KEVIN
No, because -- because I thought I was getting too used to it, and I --
JOHN
You liked me. You liked me.
KEVIN
This conversation is pointless. If you’ve had some fantasy about finding me again, then you're just going to have to --
JOHN
Could I impose on you for a glass of water? Or maybe a cup of coffee?
KEVIN
Oh, I don’t think -- oh, I don’t believe this. You’re coming on to me again! You know, this is just the kind of thing that -- damn it-- just finish up and get out of here!
JOHN
OK. But I’m not coming on to you. You’d know it if I was, believe me.
KEVIN
Oh, come on, I’m not a fool. Next you’ll be telling me you just want to sit and have a cup of coffee and talk about the weather. Just a couple o’ guys shootin’ the shit, huh? Please, give me at least some respect.
JOHN
I do. And I ask the same from you.
KEVIN
Oh.
JOHN
Coffee?
(a beat)
I take it black. That should make it easy for you.
KEVIN
Okay. But that’s it. One cup, say your piece and you’re out of here.
(KEVIN goes to get coffee.)
JOHN
Louise is a special lady.
KEVIN
I don't need you to tell me about my wife.
JOHN
I’d hate to see her get hurt.
KEVIN
Don't threaten me -- don't even, you son of a --
JOHN
YOU’RE going to hurt her. Not me. I’m not going to interfere in your lives.
KEVIN
Too late, you already have!
JOHN
But you haven’t told her you’re gay.
KEVIN
Look, this isn’t your business. I thought you wanted to explain yourself.
JOHN
You know, that day in the park, I wasn’t cruising. I was taking a walk after lunch, before I went back to the office. Charles had taken off for New York and left me behind again. We’d had a fight.
KEVIN
So you let me pick you up just to get back at him?
JOHN
When I saw you, I wasn’t thinking about sex, and you looked interesting, like someone I could talk to. It wasn’t like you were just another stud on the make. And then I saw you were cruising me, and that -- well, that always feels good, and then you came on so strong and all of a sudden I wanted you, out of spite maybe, or just to reassure myself that I was still attractive -- I don't know -- but, once you touched me -- didn’t you feel the chemistry between us?
KEVIN
There isn’t any --
JOHN
You said I didn’t scare you like the others -- that you felt comfortable --
KEVIN
Your coffee’s almost gone. Get to the point.
JOHN
Afterwards, I wanted to stay with you, that’s why I tried to talk to you, I wanted to keep you with me, I didn’t want you to just disappear like everyone else. You were more than a trick. And I think you felt --
KEVIN
No.
JOHN
You must have. It was too good.
KEVIN
No!
JOHN
Kevin, you can’t go on like this.
KEVIN
Are you through?
JOHN
You’re going to hurt the people you care about, and worst of all you’re going to destroy yourself.
KEVIN
What do you know about it? You don’t know me at all. For example, just to set the record straight -- I have sex with Louise twice a week. Good sex. Okay? Are you satisfied?
JOHN
That doesn’t mean you’re being honest.
KEVIN
Those are my choices! I don’t need some cast-off, aging boy-toy telling me how to live my life! And I think I’m doing a much better job of it than you seem to be.
JOHN
Can’t you feel it?
KEVIN
What?
JOHN
Why are you telling me all this stuff about yourself? I’m not asking.
KEVIN
You bring things up. I answer. It's called conversation.
JOHN
And you don’t even like me.
KEVIN
I said there’s no room for people like you in my life.
JOHN
So you do like me?
KEVIN
It's not relevant. Look, I’m being polite, civilized, Just to show you I know how. It would hardly be the thing for me to come right out and say I don’t like you.
JOHN
Would you talk like this with a stranger?
KEVIN
We’re hardly strangers.
JOHN
You said yourself I don’t know anything about you.
KEVIN
You know what I mean.
(Pause)
JOHN
I just need to find out what this is between us, what it could be.
KEVIN
There is nothing between us, there can be nothing between us. Jesus! One good blowjob and you think you’re in love. Get over it! This is exactly the kind of thing that turns me off about gay men. All this emotional stuff over nothing --
JOHN
You’re pretty emotional yourself over nothing. Is it because it’s nothing that you won’t tell Louise? Is it because it's nothing that you kept going back to the park? Is it nothing that got you so upset the other night, is it nothing that you want --
KEVIN
Enough! Your time’s up.
JOHN
And yours is running out.
KEVIN
What’s that supposed to mean? Oh never mind.
JOHN
It’s not going to end this easily.
KEVIN
Oh yes it is. You’re going to drive away, out of my life. Once in a while Louise will tell me you’re doing something and I’ll say “that’s nice,” and that will be that.
JOHN
And how long before you go back to the park?
KEVIN
That’s my problem.
JOHN
It doesn’t need to be a problem.
KEVIN
Well, it’s not going to be -- what do you mean? You’re not suggesting -- oh wait a minute, you’re not suggesting I see you on the side? I don’t believe this!
JOHN
I’m suggesting you just be up front about it with Louise. And with yourself.
KEVIN
You mean tell her?
JOHN
I mean you can’t go on cutting yourself off from reality.
KEVIN
My reality is what I make it. And a boyfriend on the side isn’t part of it. Why is this so important to you? I’m sure you’d have no trouble finding someone else.
JOHN
Not like you. The first time I laid eyes on you, I felt a connection, something.... beckoning. It’s too precious and rare to let it slip away. And since I ran into you again --
KEVIN
That’s pure coincidence.
JOHN
No such thing. I know you’ve felt something, too. For me. You feel it now. That’s why you ran away and didn’t go back. You’re still running away.
KEVIN
You’re wrong! I’ll tell you what I feel. I felt embarrassed when I saw you the other night -- OK, even ashamed -- to be with you in the same house with Louise. And now I feel irritated and impatient. I want you to be gone. You’re nothing to me but a reminder of something I want to forget. So if you have any decency, any feeling for me at all, you’ll just walk out of here.
JOHN
You feel something, I know you feel something. I can see it in your eyes. Look at me!
(JOHN reaches out and grabs KEVIN.)
Look at me!
KEVIN
Don't touch me! Get away!
JOHN
Look at me........ I’m not asking for anything I shouldn’t.
KEVIN
Look, do you just want to have sex? Is that what this is all about? Because --
JOHN
This is about a lot more than sex. You’re stifling your whole life.
KEVIN
If I want a therapist I’ll buy one, okay? That way the motives are simple and clean.
JOHN
You don't need therapy. You need to let yourself love where your heart leads you.
KEVIN
And what is it you think I’m doing? I followed my heart -- straight to Louise. You’re still following your dick!
JOHN
My heart -- and my dick -- don't lead me to different places.
KEVIN
Well mine do, and so be it. We all have a cross to bear. You’re impossible.
JOHN
Because I won’t let you lie to yourself? You can lie to Louise, if you have to, but I know exactly what you’re doing and I won’t let you pretend otherwise..
KEVIN
Who appointed you to be my conscience, huh? Just stay out of my --
(JOHN suddenly grabs KEVIN and kisses him hard. KEVIN breaks away.)
Damn you!..... Damn you!.........Oh shit!........Damn you! ...........Leave me alone!
(Pause)
JOHN
See? I was right, wasn’t I?
(Pause)
KEVIN
Well? Is that it?
JOHN
That was a breath of air for that soul you’ve been keeping locked up.
KEVIN
Get out of here before I.........
(Long pause.)
JOHN
All right. I’m going. The next move is yours.
(JOHN gathers up his tools while KEVIN sits watching him silently.)
Think about it. We’re not done yet.
(JOHN exits.)
Blackout
End of Scene ii